he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
