I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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