she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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