Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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