Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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