my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
