I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
