OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
