2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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