Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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