phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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