EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
