nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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