The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
