I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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