dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
