OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
