Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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