I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
