You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
