Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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