Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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