I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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