I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
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In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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