apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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