I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
