I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
