Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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