Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
