dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
