y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
