come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
