What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
