Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
