I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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