I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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