Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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