Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
