Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
sarcasm needs its own font
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
