you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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