Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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