Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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