Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
