He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sober January is a disaster.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize