you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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