i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
