If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
