she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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