I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
