i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just want to make out with him forever
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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