Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
