I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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