Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
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Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
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Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .