I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
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Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
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For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.