Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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