you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
