I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again