Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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