My sheets look like a crime scene.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance