Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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