i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store