You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i drank out of a bidet.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
