In America we eat man semen.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.