she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
