I just made out with a guy for $7.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
