I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
40s are totally the cure
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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