So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
