Swine flu. Run for my life!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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