The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
