before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
