and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My life is pants optional.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
