just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
