Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
