Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
