No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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