You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
