You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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