Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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