people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
