So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
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Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
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Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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