I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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