It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
