If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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