Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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