i don't like sucking hair
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
